Weight weight weight

Ok so my whole life I have been painfully skinny. & always been told to eat more and to gain weight. It was hard ! So hard ! My weight used to go up and down all the time. I could go days with out eatting very little and didn't enjoy food. Now that my lungs are good I have gained more and more and more weight. 5 years ago I was a painfully skinny size 6 and was fitting into children's clothes and it bothered me. I didn't feel womanly , I wasn't curvy and nothing I wore fitted properly. Five years on, I have gone from a size 8, to at the moment a size 10 and maybe some times a 12! Everyone says I look great and I look healthy. But it a big shock to the system when I look in the mirror and have to buy bigger clothes. When I was younger I never thought I would ever ever watch my weight ! I could eat anything and not gain any weight. Now I gain weight just by looking at a chocolate bar !. It's not that I feel fat exactly , and I'm dieting no way. But I know I really don't want to get much bigger. It's so hard finding the right balance of eatting all the calories you need in the day for a healthy cf diet but how so you know when to stop eatting. Gosh.

Miracles do happen !

Well its true miracles do happen ! not only did one special person get there call for lungs yesterday but two !! I am so happy for both of them, there friends, family and cf community are buzzing at the moment. I pray that when they woken that every thing goes smoothly and there recovery is quick and easy for them both. It really shows what organ donation can do , how important it is. It saves lives ! you always think you and your family wont be affected, but just because you haven't known from birth a transplant in the future might be a possibility does not mean it can't happen to you or some one close to you. think. if you would happily receive a transplant, why would you not want to give back.

Holiday count down.

So i have 15 days untill i fly away for a whole week, alone with my jack :)
Excited. Everthing is bought, not packed yet. Health is good !

We got our test results back.

So me and jack got his test results back , from the genetics team. And it came back he is not a carrier of the cf gene. We are so delighted because that is one big thing off our mind now. :) few. 

Life

There saying babies born now with cf will live into there 50-60s and more. That's amazing news ! I have always told my self I will be the oldest living cf. I was told a lady at my hospital died at the age of 80 with cf , so why can't I ! It's strange, transplant is something I have never seen for my self, nor is dieing prematurely. I no people will say you can't predict when it's going to happen or when you will get sick , but I think a possible mind will take you places. When I was younger I was unhappy and I used to be in and out of hospital for Ivs all the time, had a port fitted. But as I got older I became happier , gained loads of weight, set goals, got existed about the future and my health got better and better. My port has been removed and I haven't had Ivs in about 4 and a bit years. I feel bad sometime the fact I'm doing so well , when others around me are not. It's when some one younger then me passes of cf that messes my head up. It's not fair. How comes I'm so well and there not. Am I just lucky ? Why?, but with the illness I suppose we will never know. For now I'm going to keep positive, keep upbeat, do all I want In life and surround my self with my strong loved ones :).   Xxxx

This heat !!

This weather is so hot !! It drains me if I'm out in the sun for to long. I have salt tablets though , so not too bad !!! We was at wireless Saturday and it was hot !, some much walking and too many people. We was there for a little while but we choose to leave as we all couldn't handle the heat. 

Lovely day, but I don't think I'll ever go to wireless again.

My boyfriend is going on boys holiday this weekend , I can't wait for him to go and come back already so I can count down to my holiday next month ! :)

We are going to turkey for our 5 year anniversary. I'm so excited and it can't come quick enough. I'm loving the sun in london, but I do love holidays as you have the pool and the cocktails and air con in ur room ! Count down to turkey , 38days. 

Ps my scar is heeling nicely ! I will have to cover it with 50 factor when on holiday. But I am so pleased with how it's turned out ! I now have my belly button pierced as well, my last one ripped out. The lady did a bad job lol. So my scar has gone from this : 

Too this : 

I'm now 20 years of age ! Omg I feel so old. Hope my 20s are exciting :)

My cousins little girl is getting bigger every day, she is so lovely and makes me so broody !!! 

I hope everyone is enjoying the weather and using sun screen and drinking lots of water !!  

 

Thinking of the future.

I havent wrote on here for awhile. I suppose not much to report. After loosing chloe it made me evaluate life abit more seriously. I felt guilty the fact that she was gone and i was still here. It made me think i dont just want to drift through life. I want to do things , and see things. One of the important things in life to me, if not the only important thing to me is a child. I believe there is one role for me and that is "mother". It is so hard to have such "grown up" conversations about things you dont want to think about for many years to come. I dont want to fast forward my life. I dont want to feel rushed into anything. But i also dont want to do nothing and not think about things and look back and hate my self for it. So first step is to move out, (most scariest thought ever). So i put my name down for the counicl, obviously going to take along time but i hope when i am finally ready i wont have to wait too long. The next biggest thing that has happened this week is that my partner got tested to see if he is a carrier of the CF gene, we wont know the results for at least 2-5 weeks. I am terrified even though i wont admit it to anyone. I think for along time i always thought can we be that unlucky ? Am i tempting fate as where not actually going to try for a baby as yet ? But then i am glad he has been tested because if we waited till we was ready to have kids it would of ment waiting longer. Then if it came back he was and we had to go threw ivf , that means even longer. I know i havent been told "leah your going to die at this age" but i have never felt time was always on my side. I dont think any one can think like that, "all the time in the world". You could be knocked down by a car tommorow and you may never of achieved the things you wanted because you always thought there was going to be many tomorrows. I dont feel sorry for my self having this view on life, i think I'm kind of lucky. I do not take anything for granted, not my family, friends or my boyfriend. I know how special life is and i know how special they all are. (Nothing like a incurable illness to give you prospective in life). So the wheels are set in motion for the future. I just have to sit here and twiddle my thumbs till i get the results back. Either way we will deal with it. What ever the out come.

No one said it was going to be easy they just said it would be worth it.